Yesterday I was called a “dependa” by some person I went to high school with and told I “fit the urban dictionary definition perfectly.” All because I simply shared my and my family’s experience growing up as a military family. There has never NOT been a point in my life or my siblings when my dad wasn’t in the Army… He is still in. People don’t really stop to think of the impact war and deployments have on the people at home. No, it’s not nearly as traumatic as what my father has witnessed and I am NOT comparing what I’ve gone through to what my father and other soldiers have. However, it has had detrimental impacts on everyone’s families mental health, and family dynamics. These may seem petty to you if you are a first generation military member with no family of your own, but those in the military with families who have deployed or been stationed far places for long amounts of time would all say that there are multiple sacrifices made not only on the front lines of war, but also back home.
Don’t believe me on these impacts? Here: https://www.recoveryranch.com/articles/mental-health-articles/children-spouses-of-military-members-at-increased-risk-for-mental-disorders/
Or maybe you want your information from the military themselves? Here: https://www.army.mil/article/147786/Experts_explain_mental_state_of_military_children
Here is the definition of what I was called, a Dependa: “A person who is married to someone in the service who doesn’t just depend on their spouse for financial support, but pretty much relies on them for it. They start out all cute and All-American until after the wedding, then it’s like cookies, couch and coach purses. Arguing with other dependas over Facebook all day over who’s the bigger dependa. They’re generally not educated and have no goals or aspirations in life. They live their lives through their husband’s successes and think they rank and are better than “civilians” when they themselves are in face…still civilians.
You can usually find them at the PX and/or commissary like a herd of cattle during every pay period blowing their spouse’s paycheck on oreos, Coach and Michael Kors and then complaining 2 days after “they” got paid that they’re broke and need someone to deliver them free diapers for their 6th baby. (also see “dependa-twat”, “dependasaurus” and “dependapotomus”)”
When did I marry someone in the military? Heck, when did I even get MARRIED?! When have I taken advantage of being the daughter of a Sergeant Major? Other than applying for scholarships specifically for military kids, and using my one year of GI bill last year to get in state tuition… how does that qualify me for this definition? The GI Bill has been the only aid my parents have given once I graduated high school besides a little advice here and there. No goals or aspirations in life? I could eye roll so hard my eyes would pop out of my head. Rank better than civilians? Please, last time I checked, just because you were in the military doesn’t mean YOU are better than civilians, automatically get respect, or are entitled to more rights than any other American. You technically still are one, you just have decided to defend a nation you love, and GREAT for you! That is wonderful! But you still have to earn respect like you earn your badges; in the eyes of those who are ranked above you, and to other civilians.
Your attacks against those who are in military families are a part of the bigger problem; the lack of help or awareness for mental help for those who have served and their families.
Last time I checked, if you served in war, you deserve medical and health care immediately. If you are the family of someone who served in war, you are entitled to fight for them when they get back home to get help, to share your side of the story, and get help for yourselves if needed. If you just enlisted in the past few years and have yet to deploy to an area of turmoil, you don’t really have the grounds to sit there and tell someone who has been in the military world their whole life that they are “spoiled, naive, ignorant” and have no right to simply share what they went through at home their whole lives when their loved one deployed. You are still a baby in the world of the military and haven’t even experienced combat yourself, nor have unlikely experienced living with someone or living 24/7 with PTSD and other impacts of war.
Just because I didn’t join the military and decided to go directly to higher education does not mean I don’t have goals or aspirations or am uneducated… Quite the contrary, in fact.
If you are in a military family or service member and are experiencing any signs of PTSD, anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts, PLEASE reach out to someone. ANYONE. And if you feel like you don’t have anyone, here is a national helpline that is available 24/7 and is completely confidential. 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Less Than Elegant 